When I first became a Christian as a child I really didn't understand everything that loving and serving our Lord Jesus Christ meant. As I have grown up and become an adult I understand it much more. Christ has to be the most important person in my life. If I put Him first in all that I do then everything else that matters will fall into place as He has ordained. Now I don't always put Him first, but this is an area that I am trying to correct in my life. My priorities up until very recently were all screwed up and Jesus was not first.
I can say that God has always been with me even though I am not always as faithful as I should be. So many times He has picked me up and brought me through a situation that I couldn't have gotten out of by myself. One of those times was this past weekend.
I have been going through fertility treatments for the last 5 months and as of yet we have not been able to get pregnant. My heart broke into so many pieces this past weekend when for the 5th time in a row the test came back negative. Oh how I cried. I was so crushed that I wanted to be around no-one and yet I had a women's function for church to go to. I did ok with it for a while, every now and then started to tear up though. I have said more times than I can count that God would bless us with a child in His time...I know that this is true, however my patience is really running low and it hurts so much each month that goes by and we find out again that we are not pregnant. It hurts me when I find out someone around me is pregnant. Why God, is this happening again?? Yes I know that there are thousands of children that need good homes and that adoption is always a possibility. I just want to have 1, just 1 child of my own. If God feels as if I can handle more then that is fine - I would love to have twins!
Anyways, through all that I have been through the last 2 years with illness and major physical pain from my tailbone and lower back, God has ALWAYS remained FAITHFUL! How can I not love and trust God?
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